Addressing Family Stress

by Kathleen Deck, MSW, RSW, Family Services EAP

In these times of economic uncertainty and job loss, many people are experiencing increased family stress. Job losses, financial losses and the fears associated with these can raise unsettling feelings and require adaptations to the way people are managing their lives and caring for those they love.

No one handles stress perfectly and no one needs to. When we realize we are not handling things well, it is helpful to respond to ourselves and those around us with compassion, patience and understanding, and a problem solving attitude that asks what are some specific next steps that might make the situation a bit better.

If your family is experiencing stress, review the following ideas and identify the ones that seem most relevant to your situation and most manageable to try. Focusing on a few specific steps and following through on them is more likely to lead to success than a vague ambitious plan.

Some suggestions to manage stress constructively:

Seek out additional information:

learn about benefits available to you through work, even if you are laid off (review Employee handbook, ask supervisor, call HR)
seek financial advice to identify potential areas of savings, budgeting ideas, tax advantages, additional sources of support (eg. call Credit Counselling Canada to speak with counselor for budgeting and money management ideas and for ways to get on top of debt)
seek financial advice to ensure your severance package is fair
seek career counselling and job retraining (Canada Employment Centres, referrals from EAP)
seek mental health counselling to help you maintain a positive attitude and to help you identify resources available to you (eg. EAP, FST, community health centres, psychologists covered by extended health benefits – see www.psych.on.ca opa referral service).

Tighten up time management skills and manage resources more effectively

develop a system for keeping track of things to do and prioritizing your activities
delegate tasks that could be done by others
ask for help
set limits and say “no” when needed
budget, recycle, repair, borrow, buy cheaply, go without, choose activities that require less money

Make time to discuss difficulties with family members and brainstorm ways to work together

schedule regular family meetings to discuss common concerns
facilitate these meetings in a way that gives each person a chance to describe their perspective, feelings and needs, and come up with ideas that meet everyone’s needs as much as possible
identify and record specific plans (who will do what, when) as a result of the meeting
evaluate how well the plans worked at next meeting and revise if necessary
add items to family meeting agenda between meetings
take time to notice and acknowledge positive contributions and acts that you see others doing

Be open to new roles and learning new skills

identify what is important about your new tasks
consult with others about how to do your new tasks well
commit yourself to expanding your skill set and making a new kind of contribution to the family

Repair relationship problems and encourage positive exchanges

apologize for mistakes and commit to making changes in one’s behaviour
when others behave in ways you don’t like, become curious about what might be behind the behaviour (eg. feeling discouraged, threatened, ashamed, anxious). Acknowledge those feelings and problem solve with other how they can address their needs in more constructive ways
take initiative to offer help and support to other family members
notice positive efforts of others and express appreciation and gratitude for them

Remember the children

explain changes in family situation to children in language they can understand (eg. Daddy’s company can no longer afford to pay him so he doesn’t work there any more)
let children know changes they can expect in the family routine and suggestions as to how they can pitch in and be helpful through the crisis
show interest in the child’s day and acknowledge both positive and negative feelings they may be having
monitor children’s behaviour for any changes that may be reflective of distress (lowered academic performance, social withdrawal, more angry or teary outbursts, regression to behaviours they had outgrown)
alert teachers to major family changes (eg job loss) so that teachers can keep an eye out for changes in child’s functioning
help children problem solve ways they can handle new difficulties in their lives
remind children that their needs are always important and deserve to be communicated and addressed
offer to have a child seen by a school social worker or other counselor if they need additional help

Have fun, laugh and feel good!

make plans to spend time together as a family
look for opportunities to laugh (eg funny videos, joke book, dress up, etc.)
plan and prepare healthy meals
stay active (eg. walk places rather than driving, go to the park with children,
relax on a regular basis by slowing and deepening your breathing, relaxing your muscles, getting a massage from another family member, and spending some time engaged in a pleasureable activity that can give your mind a rest from its worries

For further advice on stress management, visit www.camh.ca and under Your Mental Health drop down menu select “stress” and “coping with stress” or “coping with unemployment”.

Post date: May 4, 2009

Back to previous page