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The Reality of Bullying in Your Child’s Life
by FRISE, Gillian, M.Ed. COPE Outreach Coordinator
The experience of being bullied, witnessing someone being bullied or being a bully is a reality for most children and adolescents in today’s world. Parents can play an important role in helping their children cope with bullying behaviour by building open and regular communication with their children. At least 1/3 of Canadian students have been bullied according to a media awareness network survey in 2005, so this is a life challenge that is very real for our children.
What is a Bully?
Most bullying comes in the form of verbal insults and threats. Less than 1/3 involves physical contact. The Internet and cell phone technology have created new ways for bullies to reach their victims. Bullies can send emails, instant messages or texts, place photos online or use online chat rooms to intimidate, harm, exclude or ruin the reputation of the victim. When bullying takes place through technology the bullies can reach their victims anywhere.
Signs your child is being bullied
Many children do not tell their parents that they are being bullied, so it is important to know the signs. It is possible that your child is being bullied if he or she comes home with bruises, torn clothes or missing belongings. If he or she doesn’t have many friends, is afraid to go to school or starts doing poorly in school, there may also be a problem. Other signs include frequent stomach aches, headaches or other physical ailments, repeated bad dreams and low self-esteem.
What should you do if your child is being bullied or witnesses bullying?
If you know or suspect your child is being bullied or has witnessed bullying, it is important to remain calm.
- Be gentle – let them know that you are there to listen and will not judge or blame them – help them to be specific about what is happening.
- Listen with full attention to what your child is saying and acknowledge what they are feeling.
- Ask them to describe the behaviours of the bully, so that you get a clear picture of the role that others may play in promoting the bullying.
- Many children feel there is nothing that they can do to stop the bullying, and the parent can help the child figure out creative strategies of responding, so that the bullying stops.
- The bullied, the by-standers and the bully need the appropriate guidance of a responsible adult, so that the bullying behaviour stops.
- Encourage your child to respond to the bullying in a non-violent way. Victims of bullying frequently cope with their feelings by bullying others, so it is important that your child know there are more positive ways to respond, which includes involving a team of people to help them. It can be helpful to contact the child’s teacher, principal or guidance counsellor to develop a plan to address the situation.
- If the bullying behaviour continues, seek outside support from social workers, a child psychologist or outside agencies. It is also important to involve your child in social activities outside of school, so that they have another area in their life that is safe, positive and enjoyable.
What if your child is the bully or a by-stander?
Bullies tend to harass their victim when they are away from the watchful eye of adults. Internet bullying has become so common because young people are able to interact online without adult supervision and adults often do not understand the programs they use.
Parents need to become literate about how to use the internet and they can attend free internet courses at the local library and through community programs. It is common for bullies to see their actions as “no big deal” and to make excuses for it. Do not accept excuses or let him/her blame you. Make it clear to them that bullying will not be tolerated and be a positive role model by treating others in your life with respect and tolerance.
By-standers need to oppose cruel and unkind behaviour by bullies, so that the bully knows that others in his life do not support bullying tactics. By-standers can talk with other witnesses to rally their collective support around the victim and build a team around the victim, not around the bully. As parents, we can show kindness and caring of others, and speak up when we witness or hear about cruel and bullying behaviour.
We have the power to reduce bullying when we work together as a community to demonstrate respect, kindness and acceptance of others.
To arrange for counselling, please call our Service Access Unit, Tel: 416.595.9618
