This is what Family Day means to us:

CELEBRATING DIVERSITY

Kevin Durkee and Tom Douangmixay and their daughter, Taylor are a typical 21st century family. In 2002, Kevin decided to have a biological child and prepared to be a single father. Then Kevin and Tom fell in love, raised Kevin’s child together, and got married 5 years after Taylor was born. Taylor calls them Dad and Papa. Tom’s family has roots from China and came to Canada via Laos. Celebrating Chinese New Year is a family tradition, and Taylor goes to Chinese class on weekends.

Ok, maybe they are not typical, but the picture of Canada’s families is changing and we think this is something to support and celebrate.

Kevin and Tom’s family crosses boundaries – boundaries of colour, gender and legal tradition. Kevin worked with an anonymous egg donor and gestational surrogate. Without information on the egg donor and a surrogate who was not biologically or legally connected to the child, he had to fight for the right to register the birth of his biological child without mother information on the birth certificate. The Vital Statistics Act was not set up for his situation; eventually, Kevin got a court order which allowed him to be the first legal sole-parent father of a child born in Canada. Kevin did not set out to challenge and change this legality. He just wanted to be a dad, and this is how he had to do it.

Lucy Nyman has had more than her share of barriers, but, like most people who live with disability, the barriers are attitudinal as much as physical. When Lucy was planning to have a child, her G.P. was “very discouraging” and she switched to a supportive family doctor. Lucy and her family doctor were turned down by four OB/GYNs before she found one who would deliver a child on Lucy’s terms. Lucy carried her baby to full term and had a natural childbirth. She did not want to be subjected to medical procedures which might be complicated by her disabilities. Lucy recalls: ”I didn’t want them to mess me up.” Lucy also feared the judgement and assumptions related to being a parent with disability; only 6 months before she was due, 2 sight-impaired parents had their newborn taken away in hospital. (They were subsequently reunited). Lucy hired a midwifery student as a coach and an advocate for the birth. Together, they worked out a birthing plan and all went well, but the fear of being judged as unfit as a parent remains. With the support of a Nurturing Assistant, Lucy was able to be the primary caregiver for her child. As Lucy explains, many people may not understand the culture of independent living and this isolates parents with disabilities.

Family structures are changing. Whether this is driven by fertility technology or personal choice, as a society, we can accept or fight these changes. Family Service Toronto chooses to support healthy relationships and good parenting. This leads us to help families in trouble and informs our advocacy efforts. In 2006 we chose to intervene in the Ontario Supreme Court case of the three-parent family where a lesbian couple wanted to be recognized, along with the biological father, as registered parents on the child’s birth certificate. Families do not always fit into a neat heterosexual, nuclear, mono-cultural box. The three parents won the case and the sky did not fall as many had predicted. Lucy’s and Kevin’s families are healthy and happy in every way. Neighbours and local communities such as faith or school communities are the social environment which make or break the success of social integration for unconventional families.

All families deserve, but don’t always get, the “softer” social supports of regular citizen contact and community living. The quality of life of our whole society is uplifted by the families shown here. It enriches us all when we celebrate the diversity of families in our communities. Family Day celebrates the best in human relationships: love, care and dignity.

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